A woman received online support after being revealed in a now viral post that she “ruined” her husband’s birthday dinner.
Submit redditon the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) forum under the username u/throwrabdayso, the woman asked, “AITA for running away from my husband’s birthday dinner?” The post has garnered over 10,000 upvotes and thousands of comments while highlighting a fairly common relationship problem.
‘Am I the A**hole?’
“My husband and I have been married for three years and five months. Our relationship went smoothly until the week before our wedding,” the woman’s post began.
The problem, she said, revolved around Ava, her husband’s old friend.
“I never had a problem with Ava, I thought it was very clear that she and my husband are just friends, I mean she had a boyfriend for a long time and stuff. So I didn’t feel jealousy or anything. I could actually getting along with Ava pretty well. We all hung out on a regular basis,” she explained.
However, a week before their wedding, Ava admitted to having feelings for the woman’s husband and begged him not to let the wedding go ahead.
“My husband and I both agreed we would cut her off,” the woman wrote. “We uninvited her to our wedding and none of us have had contact with her since.”
So until Wednesday.
“It was my husband’s 30th birthday yesterday [and] he just wanted to go out to dinner with family and friends…so we’re all eating at a restaurant when suddenly Ava walks in,” she recalls.
Ava walked to their table and wished the woman’s husband a happy birthday. Unfortunately, the interaction didn’t stop there.
“I expect her to leave, but then my husband asks if she wants to sit with us. I look at my husband like ‘what the hell are you doing.’ I feel visibly uncomfortable and annoyed I get up and tell Ava she can have my chair and then I walk out and get a Uber home because I want absolutely nothing to do with her,” she said.
Later that evening, the woman’s husband said she had acted “immature” and “ruined” his birthday.
Jealousy in relationships
According to Shame†the most persistent arguments in relationships revolve around people’ or ‘jealousy’.
“It’s in human nature: to survive, to protect ourselves and to protect our families. We tend to think that someone can endanger our relationship and that creates some fear, a certain fear of losing this person,” she said. therapist Rachel Sussman SHAME† “We describe that feeling by calling it ‘jealousy,’ but it’s actually a fear that something could happen to your relationship and that you could lose the person you love.”
When talking to a partner about feelings of jealousy, insecurity, or fear, psychologist QuaVaundra Perry reminds couples to not only bring up specific incidents where they believe boundaries have been crossed, but also to be “non-accusatory.”
In the event that a person’s partner has a “bad reaction” to the conversation, i.e. resorts to swearing, accusations, etc., Sussman advises the conversation starter to back off and re-enter the relationship. judge.
Commentators agreed that u/throwrabdayso had every right to respond as she did and criticized her husband for disrespecting her boundaries regarding Ava.
“NTA” [not the a**hole]† Five short months ago, this woman tried to steal your partner and ruin your wedding. She CLEARLY has no guilt about this, and she just needed those five months to develop her next plan, not to get over him. You have not been married for half a year and your husband is already coming back on agreements made and crossing your boundaries,” wrote u/ggolden2.
“Whether Ava happened to be there or not…your husband folded pretty quickly on the ‘no contact’ agreement. All he had to do was say ‘thank you’ to her and move on,” u/PetuniaGoBlue. “What exactly does your husband think the limits are for ‘no contact?’ Because then I would have immediately said that food, whether unexpectedly or not, clearly falls into the category of ‘contact’.”
u/ConfusedGamerKitty added: “NTA. You had every right to walk out of dinner, I would have done the same.”
news week has contacted you/throwrabdayso for comment.
Other AITA posts that have gone viral in recent weeks include: a woman who did a dig at her boyfriend’s cousin after being called a “gold digger”, a man who “ruined” his brother’s family by telling his niece a family secret, and a mother who reported a hospital worker for touching her baby without permission.