A woman took to Mumsnet asking if she’s being unreasonable for not wanting her in-laws to take care of her 11-week-old baby overnight, prompting one user to comment:
User PinkCheetah wrote: “Since she was born, actually since I was pregnant, the ILs [in-laws] have repeatedly asked when they can take the baby overnight to stay with them for a few days at a time. DH [darling husband] and I keep refusing for many reasons.
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“For example, she is exclusively breastfed. And I especially don’t like being separated from LO [little one] too long. Even if she goes out with DH for a few hours [darling husband], I feel restless. And I disagree with some of the things they want to do, eg ILs sometimes want to sleep together.
“I sometimes co-sleep, but I trust only myself to do this and no one else. ILs have also hinted that I should do things differently. For example, they keep suggesting that I only bottle feed so they can help with feeds.
“But I want to keep breastfeeding because of the health benefits and she’s growing well. I wanted to put off a pacifier until she’s breastfed, but they kept pushing us to use a pacifier. So all these little things add up and get me started on it.” think even if I let LO stay they wouldn’t respect how I’d like her to be taken care of when I’m not around.”
According to a study conducted by netmums†
- 60% of women have a good relationship with their mother-in-law
- A third are afraid when they come to visit and feel judged on parenting and housework
- A third finds her supportive
- A third say their mother-in-law thinks she knows best when it comes to parenting
- 30 percent say they would take their mother-in-law on vacation “over my dead body”
PinkCheetah’s post has received near-unanimous support, with users assuring her that she is not being unreasonable for not wanting to leave her young baby with the in-laws overnight.
User Hemax1 wrote: “Please stand firm on how you both want to raise your child. It sounds like DH is on the same page as you, so it’s good that you are in agreement on this! it’s nice that they want to be involved, but seem confusingly involved and supportive to get their own way of how your child is raised As you say it is not that they are just around the corner to pick up if something happens or if your child is not satisfied I would be tempted to say that the more they ask about a sleepover, the longer it probably will be…but that’s probably just me being petty!’
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Some users reacted a little more strongly. WhereYouLeftIt wrote “If hell freezes over” would be my answer. I really don’t like being pushed and tend to dig my heels in. But that’s just me. Anyway, they are very unreasonable. As a child I never slept in my grandparents’ houses, it was just nothing; and I find the idea of it really bizarre. And they want to sleep with your baby – that’s on their way to F** Off Territory. Everything they insist is in their favor, not yours and certainly not your baby’s. I would say ‘no’ to them again and add to the rider that if they ask again they will be asked to leave. No if not, don’t ask again if you know my answer is ‘no’.”
Lacy247 agreed: “Absolutely not! She is a little baby! I would feel the same if she were away from me for the night. My son is 4 and has not yet spent a night away from me and I have no plans to “He wants to personally. Tell them to pee and the discussion is over. How strange that they want to sleep with someone else’s baby!”
If you have a similar family dilemma, let us know via [email protected]† We can ask experts for advice and your story could be featured on Newsweek.