Whether you’re at the end of your coffee, your day, your week or even your rope, welcome to Whitt’s End…
†You’re not the only one thinking about things. Rangers manager Chris Woodward threw Marcus Semien and Corey Seager into the lineup on Tuesdayjust to shake things up.
The result: They had five hits together, including a three-run homer to Semien in an 8-3 win.
Bet Woodward’s lineup will be back to “normal” when Texas visits the Mets for a series in New York this weekend.
†to quote Seinfeld‘s “Elaine Benes” during a lightbulb moment lit with both clarity and involuntary humility: “Is it possible that I’m not as attractive as I think I am?”
Maybe it’s our three-digit summers. The dwarfish shadow cast by Jerry Jones and the Dallas Cowboys. Or maybe we should blame the leaking roof of the American Airlines Center.
Anyway, it’s – again – time for Dallas to wake up Elaine: “The Mavs are a big-market outfit, but not a glamorous one.”
And no, they are not nearly as attractive as they think. Wash down. To repeat.
Just ask Jalen Brunson, the NBA’s newest free agent, to decline the Mavs’ invitation to make over $100 million playing basketball in Dallas. While one of last season’s stars went to the Western Conference Finals stranded for the New York Knicks without even meeting owner Mark Cubanthe Mavs are left with a defeatist déjà vu:
Not only are they sniffing at their No. 1 free-agent goals every year, they haven’t signed a player — except for Luka Doncic — they’ve signed a second contract since Josh Howard in 2003.
Yaks.
The Mavs will likely try to stifle Thursday’s colossal failure by ridiculously claiming they weren’t allowed to make an offer (er, all of last season?), with tread center JaVale McGeethe promise of 36-year-old Goran Dragic and cries of “to mess!” by the Knicks† It will all sound hollow, because we have been disappointed by these cries of “wolf” for more than 20 years.
DFW fans know all too well the roll call of stars who courted the Mavs publicly, but ultimately failed to close: Deron Williams…Dwight Howard…Chris Paul…LeBron James…Carmelo Anthony…DeAndre Jordan…Hassan Whiteside…Kawhi Leonard… Kyle Lowery… Jalen Brunson.
Instead, Cuban has the purchase of Plan – C? – guys like Chris Kaman… Elton Brand… Darren Collison… OJ Mayo… Devin Harris… Samuel Dalembert… Zaza Pachulia… Reggie Bullock.
When Cuban bought the keys in 2000, he boasted that free elite agents would come to Dallas because, in part, he owned the players who would both fight for them and spoil them with fluffy robes and DVD-equipped lockers. players.
Reality: Due to their failures as free-agents, the Mavs only won one championship, despite having one of the top 10 players on the planet (Dirk Nowitzki) for the better part of 21 years. Are they also about to waste Luka?
Cuban said a year ago: “Players want to play with Luka. And from what I hear from them… a lot.”
“Players”, that is, excluding his successful running mate in the backcourt.
Over the years, the Mavs promised to “keep our gunpowder dry” and split the 2011 title list to exploit an impending “nuclear winter” of salary cap opportunity. Despite all the proclamations and positioning, the biggest free agent signing of the Cuban era is…
Chandler Parsons.
There have been singles—Monta Ellis, Peja Stojakovic, and Vince Carter—but never the track-changing grand-slam homer.
And don’t even start with the possible “connections” to Kevin Durant, Kyrie Irving, et al. Right now it’s not the free agents that are flawed, it’s us.
Here we have “oh” again. Right, Miss Benes?
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†The arrival of July means the end of June, and the death of another “Proud Month” with no confirmation from the Texas Rangers† They continue to distinguish themselves as the only Major League Baseball team to never recognize — let alone celebrate — their LGBTQ fans. (Maybe they think Charley Pride counts bobblehead night in April?)
There’s no getting around it: The Rangers are one of the most closed, least inclusive sports franchises in America.
Their official team hashtag probably has nothing to do with blatantly catering to the cherished demographic. Or does it? #StraighUpTX
†It’s not the $50,000 diamond pendantit’s all that over chirping Micah Parsons on Breaking the NFL’s pocket record for one season that makes me shudder.
We heard similar boast of the 2020 NFL Defensive Rookie of the Year, Washington’s Chase Young a year ago† And look how that ended. Young was ineffective (1.5 sacks in nine games) before being injured (torn ACL).
I don’t believe in ‘soccer gods’, but I suspect the opponents will make a special effort to prevent the Cowboys pass-rusher from flirting with such a record.
†You’ve seen one fireworks show, you’ve… they all seem. No really, if I showed you a video of fireworks in the sky, you wouldn’t be able to tell the 1982 show from the one you stuck your neck out to see Monday night. Fireworks — like car wheels that seem to be spinning backwards when I’m sure they’re rolling forwards — really work with my mind. It seems like they always come rushing at me, but that can’t be true. Can it?
†Remember when Lincoln Riley would become USC head coach? bring the Pac 12 back to power? In two seasons Southern Cal and UCLA play in the Big Ten and the great West Coast conference will be leftovers glued together. I predict that Texas and Oklahoma will now accelerate their departure from the Big 12 to the SEC to coincide and by 2024 college football will be a two-conference sport.
†I say this like a kid who was mesmerized in the 1980s by the cutting edge technology of “Pong”: Virtual Reality is amazing. I banged on a headset last week and literally lost my balance and nearly fell down as I “ran” for zombies. More reality than virtual.
†Not.
†I feel like I’m saying this too often, but still not enough: as Brunson leaves us high and dry, now do we appreciate Dirk’s unyielding loyalty to Dallas?
†Ooh, this goes drive many conservative Texans crazy. The prettiest girl in our state is… Asian†
†Talking about my little sportswriter brain that you can’t When I understand something more complicated than a box score, I’m constantly blown away by software gizmos like Waze and Shazam. The music identifying app works almost faster than you can press the “Tap” button. (For the record, I shazam “Chunky” by size B.)
†Betting thresholds for Cowboys’ quarterback Dak Prescott this season: 4,500 yards, 34.5 touchdowns and 10.5 interceptions. Since his last two full seasons have averaged 4,675 yards, 33.5 touchdowns, and 10.5 interceptions, I would…. saying Las Vegas wasn’t built by dummies.
†Sorry for those of you who demand eight hours of sleep – you know who you are – but medical experts now say seven is the right place. Adjust your alarms accordingly. I know you will do it.
†Devin Booker of The Suns signed a four-year contract extension worth $214 and has been selected as the cover boy for the NBA 2K23 video game. Imagine what he would have gotten if he hadn’t missed 11 out of 14 shots with four turnovers and recorded a plus/minus of a staggering -41 in the Game 7 blowout loss to the Mavs.
†Wait, why was Dennis Rodman sitting around The Star in Frisco this week, and he tip How much on a $15 tab?
†Gone, forever? Baseball pitch-outs and highway drivers flashing their lights to warn you of an impending speed trap.
†Number of American deaths in 2021: Soldiers, 13; police, 62; firefighters, 141; Children under 18 with firearms, 1,560.
†Texas Longhorns’ first baseman Ivan Melendez dominated college baseball this season, batted .367 with 32 home runs and 94 RBI in just 69 games. However, he was also given one of the worst nicknames in the history of the sport: “Hispanic Titanic.” The last time I looked, the Titanic was one of the worst disasters in human history. The giant steamship sank in 1912, killing 1,500 people in the icy waters of the Atlantic Ocean. Melendez’ name touts him as a great hitter who will ultimately be a huge failure?
†Of course you are disappointed that the Rangers were unable to climb from a 6-14 start to .500 on Wednesday because they only did one run against old Zack Greinke. But a year ago, after 74 games, they were dead and buried at 27-47. It’s all perspective: 36-38 feels a lot better now, doesn’t it?
†This weekend? Let’s sneak to Las Vegas. There’s nothing more patriotic than pool parties under a 107-degree sun during the day and donating your money to Sin City’s friendly casinos at night. As always, don’t be a stranger.