Users on mumsnet have encouraged a woman to leave her partner after revealing that she is concerned about telling him that she is about to inherit a large amount of money due to his irresponsible financial behavior.
“A relative of mine recently passed away and it turns out she was worth a ton of money,” wrote user PhrynrFisher in the post. “My aunt is the executor and has told me that she left me some money. They are trying to work out the details but it is a decent amount (in the sort of £50k). I personally have never had this much money in my life and it’s unlikely I’ll ever do that again, so I want to make sure it’s not wasted. I have a relatively low income.”
“However, there are things like a hole in my roof and a cracked window from which it slammed shut in a storm that I haven’t been able to replace/repair because I couldn’t afford it, things like that,” the woman’s post continued. “Nothing flashy, but things that can make my life a little better.”
She goes on to say that her concerns are that her partner is “spending money like water.” She describes how he comes from a much more affluent background than herself, and how he blew through £125,000 ten years ago [approximately $150,000] Legacy in Six Months, “About a new car, vacations, gadgets, tickets,” she wrote. “We made some joint decisions and made some home improvements, but most of it was about things he decided we needed, but we didn’t. He didn’t spare a dime.”
“This money is specifically left to me and goes into my bank account that he doesn’t have access to (because that way I can control its expenses). But when I’ve done the job, he knows I have some and he will constantly come up with things we ‘need’ or show me the latest version of something we already have that doesn’t need to be replaced,” the user wrote. “So, am I wrong to lie about the amount, tell him it’s £10,000?” [approximately $12,000] and enough to get the roof repaired? I’m having the roof repaired anyway, I’m not asking his permission. He won’t have access to it anyway, but if he doesn’t know how much I actually have, he can’t make a problem of it.”
“Before anyone points out the obvious, no, it’s not the most stable relationship on the planet, and we’re working on that, but the odds of us going the distance are 50/50 at best. So there’s also the element of if we did break up, and I hadn’t told him the actual amount he would probably be entitled to anyway, which isn’t ideal. What would you do?”
A Sociological Assessment research on marriage, finance, and inequality found that: “The study points to a complex pattern of relationships between household income level, family allocation system, and gender.
“Female control over finances, while accompanied by greater decision-making power for women, did not protect them from financial hardship; male control over finances, especially when it took the form of the household allowance, did serve to protect men’s financial interests. compared to women,” the study said. “Gender inequality was lowest in households with joint control of pooled money and greatest in low-income or higher-income households with male control of finances.”
Another study from the University of Southern Mississippi found that 415 participants only 27 percent admitted to having financial secrets from their partner. However, when questioned more deeply and asked about financial infidelity, more than half of the participants confessed to fibbing.
Some mumsnet users suggested that the original poster left her partner because of his attitude to money.
One user wrote: “I wouldn’t tell him but I wouldn’t stay with him either. £50k [approximately $60,000] are you sure to get a deposit on your own place?”
“I wouldn’t tell him at all,” commented another Mumsnet user. “Suppose your aunt inherited and lent you the roofing money. If you have to say something. Frankly, I’d dump him and move on. Life with a wasteful lender is a miserable existence,” as user VladmirsPoutine suggested, “. .. trivialize it to the point where he thinks you’ve inherited about £3/4kish or whatever it takes to sort the roof – because you don’t want him to have suspicious momentum to get rid of him.”
If you have a similar family dilemma, let us know via [email protected]† We can ask experts for advice and your story could be featured on Newsweek.